woe is me.

I know I haven't written in a while, I've been a busy busy bee as far as knitting and jewelry are concerned, however that is not the reason I am here today.

I am formally resigning from doing anything artistic or crafty. All of my stash is for sale. You may view it at www.ravelry.com/faryjane and please email me for pricing.

If you are interested in anything I've knitted off of my projects page please email me for pricing. My email is faryjane@hotmail.com.

Even though I love making jewelry and bookmarks and would love to spend the rest of my life doing this, it is a childish dream and is not paying my bills and is doing nothing but making everyone in my family unhappy that I am spending time doing this instead of focusing on them. It is irresponsible of me to pursue these childish endeavors when I clearly can't pay rent for my family. I have decided to step back down on the totem pole and am crossing my fingers for the acceptance of my application I put in at Hungry Howie's (a low end local pizza joint) since they are the only places that are hiring.

I do apologize for resigning as an artist under such short notice, which is a shame because I already have business cards and was on my way to my own website, but I would rather have my family happy and financially secure than keep living in a stupid fantasy that is meant for people with more patience, who aren't still suffering from major depression and anger disorders, and with children older than the age of one.

Also, I will no longer be available for any social outings with my girls that I used to knit with. I owe you an apology for dumping my drama on you all the time. I am sorry for being such a shitty friend, you deserve more than me and my drama!! Knit me something beautiful!:) I love you girls<3

I don't have much of a reputable stash, but I also have stitch markers that I have made, and needles, and patterns, etc. So, hopefully someone else can love and appreciate these things the same as I did, and will actually be able to use them without the guilt feeling of abandoning your family.

I would also like to give out some advice: Don't ever get married and have kids unless you are mentally healthy first of all with all your childhood shit resolved, and unless you are able to give up everything that makes you happy, that makes you who you are. Because your famly deserves every single second of you, and as a mother and wife it's your responsibility and duty to give that to them. If I sound bitter it's because I am but bitter is my middle name so...

Sincerely,
The woman who couldn't do it all....

X is not an O is not a kosher situation

If you're not talking
I'm assuming the worst.
I thought we had gotten so close...
now I don't know where I stand.
you are clearly your own man.

Full circle comes around and
I'm not ready.
I'm flailing and falling.
I am obviously not who I thought I was
and was wrong over who I thought I was above.

Obviously I just
don't know anything anymore.

As you were, this was my
weepy intermission intended
to fall upon deaf ears.

Season Change

I have had the biggest funk from knitting lately. I don't know what it is... I just can't bring myself to knit even two rows a day.

I have, however, been cleaning my garden out and organizing clothes, toys, and other random what-am-I-going-to-do-with-this-or-when-am-I-ever-going-to-use-this items. Which also includes cleaning these items. Along with that, I'm spring cleaning, so everything is being washed. It's a poor load on the washer... a lot of heat on the dryer, too. They're really being wrung.

My son is at the stage now where being still just isn't good enough for him. He crawls to the nearest peace of furniture and up he goes on his toes. He's used to being supported though and just stops using his legs. That can turn tragic. He is such a big boy now, though. No more holding him like a baby. This man wants to sit up like the rest of us:)

My daughter is getting more and more vocal about everything, to say it the nicest way that I possibly can. What I want for her is to have a wonderful relationship with her and for her to respect me, not out of fear, but because she dreams of growing up and being me one day. What this will take is a major change on my part, because I am an adult in this situation, and what I've learned from this situation so far is that I have met my match. This goes without saying that my daughter has a mind of her own, she hears what she wants to hear, and is completely fearless. She is a very brave and bold little cutie pie who is completely justified in anything wrong she does, including having a very sassy mouth, but like they say, the apple doesn't fall far, so it's me who needs to change.

My dog now has more freedom around the house being that we've put her pen in the back of the house. She roams the house now more, and i must say, so far I'm proud of her.

My husband built a garden for my daughter because she was constantly digging up things she and I planted together so they weren't growing. She wanted a place to dig, he made it for her, lined it with rocks. It is adorable, I must say. I painted the rock at the head of it. My husband has also gotten into his music a lot more. It's wonderful because he's talented and it makes him so happy, and I love listening to the beautiful music he's created. I do a lot for him. I email his videos to my friends and my musical friends on both Myspace and Facebook. I'm trying to set him up with places to play, but my schedule conflicts with the owners of bar's so that's something he will have to assist me with. He is going to start playing out more. I will miss him, but I want him to do what makes him happy. Besides, though I would love to go to his shows with him, more than anything else in this world, it's good time while the children are asleep to catch up on housework and studying. You would be surprised how messy we can make our house in just a matter of hours. Between my full time job, parenting, spending time with my husband doing photography and listening to his new songs, or watching his new videos, and looking at his new pictures, I don't hardly have time to clean the house. Here recently by the end of the time I do have left over it's a battle between housework or knitting or whatever it is my hobby is on that week.

I made my first etsy sale. I was really excited because I have had things listed on there for a while now, so seeing my first sale was awesome! My friend advised me to put paypal only, and while I thought I should have, I accepted money orders, too. I was so excited to see my first sale!! But now my etsy is set to paypal only. I still sold the necklace, by good will:)

My job is going great. Still no raise, but happy to be employed. I like my job and am comfortable performing a task that would have had me wired two months ago. I think I've come a long way.

I have reconstructed my backyard. Here's a list of things I've made room for so far: tomatoes, carrots, corn, spinach, sunflowers, strawberries, bell peppers, banana peppers, thyme, sage, cilantro, parsley, Rosemary, Basil, lemon grass, dill, poppys, apple tree, peanuts, morning glory's, moon flowers, roses, garlic. Here's a list of things waiting for sunny weather to be planted: cucumbers, lettuce, brussel sprouts, potatoes, and possibly a lemon tree.

I love this time of year:)

Just to Prove to My Husband

that I am saving up for the apocalypse....



Oh, Yummy!!!

Umm.... I can explain!

Okay, I have been on a knitting frenzy lately (but when am I not.)

I have been so excited over finishing two projects, the Juno Regina and the Double Star Blanket, that I couldn't help but cast on more! I finished the Double Star Blanket and then within the next day finished the Juno Regina. My daughter and I took the Juno to Vulcan Trail for a photo shoot.


After finishing the Juno, I cast on a Barbie Dress with the same yarn because I was at work and had it with me and was itching for the day to go by, and wanting to use the yarn up, and then I realized that I had wanted to use this yarn for the sockettes, and didn't know if I had enough for both, so I have one end knitting the Barbie Dress and one end knitting the sockettes.... so it looks something like this:


Here's my sockettes so far :

I was proud of myself for turning my first heel, even though the whole thing started off with a heel, that I picked up the socks I'm knitting for my husband and turned my second heel on those, which looks like this:
These (both) come to work with me everyday and I work on them in my spare time under my desk, and am cautiously watching through the double doors of my office with my ears perked for a boss's arrival so they can be quickly thrown into my desk drawer and closed. I also make sure to keep a property list up on my computer screen so I can quickly regroup and casually pretend to be "working".

I do frequent ebay and yarn stores during my breaks at work. My latest Ebay purchase is three hanks of Cascade 220 heathers in a purple color. Very beautiful and very satisfying purchase, might I add.... I plan to knit the Aran Cabled Laptop cover with it...

And after much debate over what to spend my $75 LYS(In the Making)gift card from my girlfriends for my birthday I decided to spend it while they're having a sale... Here's my latest purchase of 8 skeins of Berroco Geode in a beautiful colorway:

I brought in one skein and set it on the corner of my desk at work to look at and dream of being off and knitting. I plan to knit a wrap and/or cowl with it. I can't wait! This yarn just makes me so happy in a dorky way:)

I know, I know, don't I have enough yarn already? I was just asked last night by my husband if I was saving up for the apocalypse with all of this yarn... um, yeah! Duh! I mean, if I get caught in the apocalypse, don't I want an unlimited supply of yarn, I'm guessing yarn shops won't be around during that time, and if they are I won't have money for yarn, so I just need to stock pile for that time:)

I started knitting kerchiefs I plan to sell at a local store, and have stitch markers I will sell at my LYS. I have already made jewelry I am selling at a local store for a decent price. I hope it fares well:

I like that they are sets. The chains were tedious to open up and put hoop findings through for the clasps, but I do love the delicacy of the chain.


These are handpainted lampwork fillinger beads purchased from Japan from Ebay.


And so are these:



I hope they sell well so I can make and sell more. The owner of the store did tell me that they were the nicest jewelry there and he hoped they would sell well, but we'll see. I guess that's a compliment?

Besides, I need to sell more of my goods for funds to make more goods!!

We'll see!

Now, off to knit more so maybe I'll have a FO soon....

I was verbally tagged.

10 years ago:
I was fifteen. I had just turned fifteen. I was four days shy of meeting my first love, I was innocent, but thought I was badass. I lived in Guntersville, AL and was in the eighth grade. I put on skits at my church with the drama team. I had short hair and was struggling with my identity.

5 years ago:
I had just turned twenty. I worked at Outback Steakhouse and had my own apartment atop Red Mountain. I loved running during the day on Vulcan Trail before work, hanging out at Loco's after work, and Movie nights on Tuesday nights with my friends. I thought I was the coolest person in the world. I had just adopted a cat I named Marley. I was about to break up with my boyfriend of three years.

1 year ago:
My husband and I were fresh newly weds. He started working at the Veranda and I stayed at home with my daughter. I was starting the struggle of pottytraining her. We added a dog to our family named Piper. We were preparing for our son, Guntram, and excited about his arrival in the fall.

Yesterday:
I went to a departure party for my pastor. I went to a birthday party my girlfriends had for me. I received sock yarn, earring sets, and a $75 dollar gift card for In the Making, a lys. My friend made me a delicious three layer German chocolate cake that I can't wait to go home and have more of. I went home and put my children to bed and watched all the Sunday night HBO shows while cuddling with my Husband.

Today:
I took my daughter to school, booked it to work. Went to a craft store for lunch with my friend Bonnie, bought sock knitting needles. I can't wait to go home and knit/ play outside with my kids, and eat cake:)

Tomorrow:
I will go to work, knit, the plumber is coming to fix my sinks. I plan on doing laundry one of these days. I will continue my diet (hopefully).

1 year from now:
I would like to have a career path. I would like to be more profitable with Primerica. My husband will be halfway through school. I don't know if we will be in the same place, but I would like to be more secure financially.

5 years from now:
I would like to own my first home, in a neighborhood where we will stay until our children graduate. My husband and I will be settled in our careers and I would like us to have music made together by then and possibly doing shows a few weekends a month. I also would like to have created a strong part time business with my handmade jewelry and hand knits, and built up enough paintings for regular art shows. Physically my husband and I may discuss options for another child since my IUD expires this year. I want to be healthier and making better decisions as far as intake goes and more active than I am now. I want to have knitted a sweater.

10 years from now:
I will have a teenage daughter. My son will be ten. I would like to be financially able to take a yearly vacation out of the country and either own or searching for a vacation home. I want to start making plans to retire within the next 20 or 25 years for both my husband and me. I want to be in the same home. Physically I do not want to have to struggle with what to eat, and have eating healthy merely an afterthought, as well as getting enough exercise.

5 snacks I enjoy:
cheez-its, cantaloupe, shaved ice, pop ice, m&m's.

5 bands/singers that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs:
Radiohead, Phish, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Modest Mouse.

Things I would do with $100,000,000:
Buy homes for my family, buy cars for my family, invest, invest, invest, pay off all debt, college funds, retirement, music equipment, yarn, spinner, ball winder, art equipment, playground for my kids, pay the medical cost for the seizure I would have after realizing how much money I had.... Get insurance for my family.

5 locations I'd like to run away to:
Hawaii, Jamaica, California, Maine, Amsterdam.

5 bad habits I have:
Not taking proper care of my body, drinking, procrastinating, stressing, not walking my dog enough.

5 things I like doing:
Knitting, reading, baths, walking, gardening.

5 things I would never wear:
skinny jeans, stirrup pants, belly shirts, pleather, mini skirt.

5 TV shows I like:
United States of Tara, Big Love, Flight of the Conchords, True Blood, Dexter.

5 movies I like:
Garden State, Old School, Knocked Up, Zak and Miri make a porno, Blades of Glory

5 biggest joys at the moment:
Having a job! Having healthy kids. Being married to my soul mate. Having food in my fridge. Being able to knit.

5 favorite toys:
Yarn. Kneedles. Computer. Car. Guitar.

Christmas was over months ago...

But I'm still working on those pesky Christmas gifts.

I started the Juno Regina before Christmas, but chose a sock yarn, so it's taking forever. There are a few places where I've messed up majorly, but I doubt my mother in law will notice. She's not a knitter. I'm not frogging back. I refuse.

I do love the shape and feel of it, though. It is a beautiful pattern. I am using Berroco Comfort Sock in red for it. Lovely.

I started on the Star Blanket last night for my Aunt Betty. I am already ten percent through. The pattern is a nostalgic feeling, considering I was on the pinwheel for six months and this is similar in its own design. I am using Caron Simply Soft Eco in Wine Country for this blanket. I can't wait to see the finished result.

I never did update on the Gryffindor. My neice loved it. The monogram came out perfectly. It was a beautiful scarf, and I was very pleased with myself. I had fun doing the tassles, too. I will knit another scarf in the round for someone as soon as I get some things off of my needles.

I started my first pair of socks for my husband. I am using Red Heart Soft Yarns in dark green. I am knitting the Guitar Socks. They look big so far, but my husband has baseballs for calf muscles so I think I'll be fine:) I am only about fifteen percent through with the first one, but I have to get these Christmas presents out!

As far as knitting anything for myself, the Evangelines are sleeping and the Mosey's are waiting patiently on my eager fingers.

I started a butterfly hat for my daughter, who told me she wanted a pink butterfly hat, mommy, and I imagined I had enough left over of the Bernat Haven in Ballerina to make one for her, wrong. I ran out. And unfortunately, it is now a discontinued yarn that I have to buy on Ebay (just to finish the last twently or so rows on a toddler hat...) Might as well buy enough for a child's scarf, too.

I knit some beautiful Whimsey fingerless gloves for my sister in law's coworker. That is such a lovely pattern, if you've never knit it, I suggest it. You start off with provisional cast on and knit the cuff, which is slip stitched edging and cabled and lace, then you graft it together, and pick up stitches along the opening in the cufflet and continue knitting the glove. It's fun and simple once you learn how to do everything. The designer has made a whole ensemble out of this pattern, hat, scarf, gloves, and maybe something else... Fun knit, and beautiful.

In other news, my son crawls now!! He's new at it so he's still scooting with his head down and pushing with his legs, but I can't knit around him without him crawling/scooting for my yarn and eating at it before I can get to a point to take it away from him:) He chews up everything in his sight, always going for the no no's first i.e. phones, remotes, knitting, bills.... I forgot how grabby babies were. And he never sleeps anymore. Ever.... man. I'm tired:)

My daughter is cute as ever. The other day I told her that whenever I had to discipline her it broke my heart and to please be better for Mommy. I notice her doing something with her fingers, and I'm looking, and she's then handing me whatever it was in her hands, holding it up to me going "I fixed your heart, Mommy."
How can you discipline her after that?? Wow. And her and the baby play together now. My kids are growing up, which is a sign I'm getting old.... Oh well. I'm just happy I have healthy, happy, smart children and that I can provide for them like they need.

My dog is getting better. She has only chewed up one toy in the past week. But she loves stuffed animals. She attacked my son's giraffe. I was so sad I cried. Boo hoo. I'm still crying over that one. But she's a good doggie, and she's good with my daughter. She's a good watch dog, too.

I started working at Tom Murphy Realty by pure chance. My friend Bonnie called me and said that a few people had quit, and she needed some help. I came up here, and kept coming back. She mentioned permenancy and pushed for a position for me from her boss, so now I'm her assistant! And we have so much fun everyday:) It was just in time, too, because my unemployment had just ran out. I have my resume in at the temp agency but haven't gotten a job offer from there, yet.

It is a great balance for me, and I feel like getting out of the house everyday makes me a better person, more balanced.

I haven't been taking my zoloft. I am going to get my prescriptions filled just incase I have another melt down and decide to go back on it, but I haven't been taking it for the past six weeks. It's been a struggle, but it's been okay.

I am also sad because I have dried up. I think I may still be able to just make it come back, I can still get some milk out, and my son will nurse when he's tired, but if he's awake, you can forget it. He wants to be "crawling." I stopped being able to get anything out with a pump, trying to pump frequently and coming up with nothing but sore nipples... Well, it was a good six months, and six months is better than nothing. I could expect this with starting back to work. He still passifies himself on them sometimes, and that's the only thing that will passify him at times. But, with him being a little boy (and his Daddy's boy at that) that will change soon, too, on my watch, not his.

My husband and I are doing good. We just passed our one year of marriage:) It has been a lot easier since then. We just meld together. I am happy with him in my life, I just wish we had more time together to do things. I work days and he goes to class at night, so it gets hard and we miss each other a lot, but it will be better in a year and a half when he's out of school.

And when I don't have so many unfinished projects I'm constantly working on:)